Santa Is A Stalker/Communist

I still don't know how my Pooh heard this... wait... never mind. It just came to me.
Arlo Guthrie's song The Pause of Mr. Claus tells it best, "Santa Claus wears a red suit, he's a communist."
Seems logical enough to me. 
Anywho, as promised, why Santa watching is more potent than Jesus watching. 
First of all, Bette Midler put it quite well with "God is watching us from a distance." Where is that, exactly? Heaven, ok. Where's heaven? Right.
Santa is watching from the North Pole. Now, that one's easy. Any kid can find the North Pole with a globe, map, or Google. 
So, the real clincher is the timing. With Jesus, He's watching, but you get your eternal reward when you die. I don't care how good of a head your kid has on his shoulders, no kid believes they're going to die until they're about 30 (I'll use that as a generic age because I know people who came to the realization sooner and I know others who still appear to be living in denial). Karma is usually a pretty good motivator, but there're lots of Christians that frown on using ideologies from religions that AREN'T Christianity, so. The other time you'd receive your reward is at the Second Coming. When's that? Right.


Santa comes EVERY YEAR on December 24th/25th while you're sleeping. That adds the extra intensity of being passed out (despite all your hard work and hot chocolate consumption in an effort to glean what little caffeine it has to offer your system to sustain you through the sugar crash), so you don't know until morning - when your Dad FINALLY gets the video camera set up - if you've been good ENOUGH that year.
So, there it is. My reasonings for why threatening the kids with "Santa is watching" is more effective than "Jesus is watching" at any time of year. 
Except maybe Easter.